Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
