my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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