I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
