im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize