As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My liver just had a heart attack.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
