you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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