Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
