Just fell off a train. Bad.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
