glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize