Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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