So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
