1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
