Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you had me at cake vodka
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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