I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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