Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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