Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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