just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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