My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
