i think i have herpe
just one?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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