my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
