At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
