He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
