I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
