Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
