He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
