last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I am midnight drunk by noon
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
