i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
