you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
