My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
