Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
