im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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