look no pants
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
