You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
