Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize