were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
