everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
