We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
