I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
