If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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