we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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