Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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