ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
