My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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