So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
