She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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