Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
