New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
