Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I understand Curling. That high.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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