Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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