Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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