btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
