So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
