meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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