So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
