Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
