spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
