I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize