Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
