I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Randomize
