I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize