ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
