he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
