so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
