Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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