plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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