You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
