I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize