yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
