i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize