he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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