nutella sex= disaster
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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