i would punch a child for taco bell
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I am available for nakedness
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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