And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
