spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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