her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
