somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
