maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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