I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
