they said they heard you say put it in my butt
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
