His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Randomize
