how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
high people should be assigned attendants
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize