butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
