i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
