he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
