OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I stole a fireplace last night.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
