You're my little dorito
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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