I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
