Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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