Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
