So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
There's always time for handjobs
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
