Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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