cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
