I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
