I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
