I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
