who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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